(1) So a couple of months ago me and my sexy beast of a partner were riding the 3 train, a train referred to as the beast because it goes from the heart of harlem to the heart of crown heights. Needless to say there are usually many strong personalities aboard. So on this particular evening the train was classically crowded.. you know when its so crowded that your ass is like getting to know the ass of the person standing behind you because they are pressed together like the hands of lovers on the glass of penitentiary visitation cubicles, nasty but true. Of course being the aggressive and train savy new yorker that I am hoping that some one sitting directly in front of me will get up and get off, this would allow me or my partner could slide right into that open seat and get out of the gauntlet of inappropriate touching laid down by the bodies packed in like sardines on the train. Then just as the woman infront of me was fixing her self to get up, I turned to my partner and said "would you like to sit down", mind you the train has not come to a complete stop yet --- when the man standing next to me says in booming voice "NO! IMMA SIT DOWN"
well suffice to say that he was the one who sat down..... so much for chivalry lol... then he proceeded to mumble under his breath about how his feet hurt too and who do women think they are...
(2) On an almost empty train... I am sitting there looking nowhere because the cardinal rule of riding the train in new york city is DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT... you never know if you might set a fool off... in one way or another.
Many years ago, in the summer of 98 when I was 14, my friend and I were coming back from some party in the mid evening - like 8ish. We were sitting in a train car with three other people. Two women and one man. As we had been told by our parents we kept to ourselves and did not make eye contact or at least I didn't. My other friend (who shall remain nameless so dont ask who it was) was substantially endowed like WHOA even at that age and needless to say she was constantly receiving attention of older men while in public. Anyway we are their sitting on the train and i notice she is smiling, I think to myself I know this big breasted female teen who is not in shape cant run or fight IS NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT with this obviously older man (had to be mid to late 20's). Just as I thought to myself there is nothing good that can come from this I saw the mans leg moving - because you better believe he wasn't going to get us both to make eye contact with him. As I tried to assess why his leg was moving so quickly and so wildly I noticed the man had HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS and was literally trying to rub one out!!!
CLEARLY, we had to get off at the next stop before the confetti or worse was thrown in celebration of whatever he hoped to achieve... ugh the HORROR!
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