MOVE OVER OPRAH! BEST of NYC 2010 - PART 1

So after 24 years, Oprah has decided to retire her spurs and put "the Oprah Show" out to pasture. While I am sure many middle aged caucasian women are mourning this loss, they are (im sure) more concerned about who they will take their social cues from, and who will give help "guide their spirit" in Oprah's absence. ALLOW ME TO STEP IN, I have been waiting forever to be able to do a "favorite things" post but have always felt that OPRAH's larger than life shadow was looming over me, wagging her pudgy finger. However, now that she is stepping down as the czar of daytime talk, now i have room to colorfully bombard America with a list of My Favorite things. So for all you lost stepford wives out there here it is PART 1 - BEST of NYC 2010 (PART 1)... and if it helps my credibility with you hardcore OPRAH fans -- im black too!

1. STEAK! In the past BEEF has gotten such a bad rap, partially because of OPRAH and her Mad Cow campaign. In a city like new york there is no shortage of places to bick up some braised beef, but quality is few and far between.

BEST PLACES - [for inexpensive professionally cooked steak] Dublin 6 ($$), Bondi Road & Press 195 (Steak sandwhich, $$)

WORST PLACE - The Essex ($$$) ~ these steak amateurs horribly butchered my filet mignon, cutting it into a trapezoid. They did not know how to cook a steak medium rare, destroying the texture and flavor of the meat by cooking it well done on the outside and leaving it rare on the inside.

2. WELL MADE DRINKS! How many of your are sick and tired of paying 15 dollars for a watered down drink at a crowded club, lounge, or bar? Personally given that I am not a big drinker, and when I do drink I am a Hennesy Black kinda girl, I have realized that Mixology is a dying art. Some of you may be thinking well, i go to (Insert name here) Bar that has a mixologist adn the drinks are okay. To that I respond ok IS NOT EXCELLENT. In recent months I have had the pleasure of having drinks made the right way by a true mixologist, at an establishment that others are trying to emulate unsuccessfully, and which many of you have either never heard of or think is an urban legend. You haven't had a drink till you have had a 'Penecilin' or "Cognac fix with fresh pressed blackberry juice." With out futher a do:

BEST PLACE - Milk and Honey (admission is by reservation only, or membership, $$$)

WORST PLACE - honestly is there a worst place to get drunk when you in the mood in NYC?
NO

**Honorable Mention - APOTHEKE, while I have never been a friend that recently accompanied me to Milk and Honey stated that the drinks there were tasty and really well made. Its a plus this place is open to the public so no reservation needed.

3. REST AND RELAXATION!! Did somebody say SPA DAY? There was a time when if someone mentioned the spa the thought of terricloth robbed women waddling around from manicure to pedicure stations came to mind. HOWEVER, how the spa game has changed. Long gone are the days of massage parlors, and unlicensed asain massuers being the only option for a inexpensive massage. Although those inexpensive places still exist one definitely sacrifices quality for monetary savings, unless your a gentleman looking for a hot towel rub down then im sure you already know where to go. BUT for all of you out there that were looking for a heaven on earth LOOK NO FURTHER -- SPA CASTLE IS HERE!

BEST PLACE -- SPA CASTLE!!! this place is almost too good to be true. Located in College Point, Queens, for $35 dollars you can have an unlimited ALL DAY pass to the facilities. This isn't your uncles banya either, this is a state of the are facility with more than 4 floors of amenities at your disposal. INCLUDING - one of a kind single sex locker room bading pool facilities with 7 unique bading pools providing patrons with state of the art water therapies. For $40 dollars you can get a half hour leg massage that will leave your feeling like jello from the knees down. For $100 dollars you can get a hour long full body massage that will put any of the high end midtown spas to shame.

WORST PLACE -- While i have an affinity for all spas, my worst massage experience by far was
at OASIS DAY SPA, when they had the nerve to assign me a geriatric dude named ROBERT who smelled like ben-gay and who could not press down on my knots to save his life. It felt like this fool was stroking my back instead of massaging --- being stroked in the nude by a pale raisin of a man who knew jesus personally was NOT MY IDEA OF A GOOD TIME.

Honorable Mention -- JUVENEX SPA for those ladies who want to have some single sex time
sans men with out having to travel or drive, i would definitely recommend JUVENEX. Located near 34 st on the west side its location is ideal and some what magical. At first blush you may think you are ascending the elevator to some 'Hostel' type of situation but when the door opens and you get a rush of that aromatized oxgen, and a blast of that therapuetic heat you feel the city start to fade away. This place manages to have soaking tubes, rain forest shower, a hand crafted JADE sauna, and a steam room all on one floor of a industrial building. IT is highly under
rated. **COUPLES beware unless your are open minded you may get an eye full of guy on guy action.

4. PINBALL! the who had it right with PINBALL WIZARD, the silver ball is where the real fun is, it pains me to think that my sister only 7 years my junior has no memory of being dazzled and entranced by pinball machines. In the last year i have been on a mission to find out "Where the PINBALL AT?" Since the worst place to play pinball is the place with NO pinball table, the best places with out further delay:

BEST PLACE: ACE BAR (5th street between, ave A and Ave B)
*there is another place in williamsburg that has hella pinball machines but the name escapes me, its on bedford, its definitely worth checking out.

5. LOFT and PASSWORD PARTIES. Tired of clubs, and lounges, hymogenous crowds, high heels, and superficial babes and meat heads -- Then try to get yourself alligned with Brooklyn Pirates, or Winkel and Baltic for a one of kind experience. You haven't partied till you have had free reign of a 20,000 square foot warehouse in brookly replete with debauchery and moderate excess. ;o).

HONORABLE MENTION -- short on the warehouse, but with debauchery to spare hit up HIMACHI - this sushi bar turned rumpous room has raucus kareoke every friday night. With resident bar tender Johnny pouring you libations all night long at a worthwile price, you could sing your heart out and sleep off the embarrassment in the morning!!!

Poor Pussylove

so.. albeit this blog is peppered with deep thoughts and introspection... lets not forget that residing deep with in me is a 7 year old child that still laughs when people fart and finds cloudy sunsets beautiful, that being said the awkward humor has a knack for finding me....SO

For the last week my partner and I have been cat sitting for a friend of mine who is studying for the bar exam. His cat is gorgeous black, cat whose name could be its own blog entry: Delores Pussylove Craigslistina. Well in truth we thought his kitty could help us flush out a mouse that had been running between our and our neighbor's apartment, which she did! But of course the reality of her visit couldn't be so straight forward, because if so there would be little humor involved in this situation. BUT its my life so of course there was a catch ---- two days into the Kitty's visit we started noticing some weird behavior. The kitty who is normally very friendly and relaxed, started purring and meowing loudly, writhing on the ground, and rubbing herself on everything. The kitty was so into the rolling and the purring she wouldn't even play mouse chase with her toy. All she could bring herself to do is lay on the ground and lethargically swat at the toy when it was waived in front of her.

We became slightly concerned at this behavior given its complete opposition to the kitty's normal disposition, so we called her owner:

Ring, ring, ring -- "Hello? " - me

"Hey Girl, how is my pussy?" - S

"She is good, acting a little strange, she is tooting her booty everywhere and deeply purring as she rubs her head all over everything." - me

"OO Girl, she may be in heat." - S

"Uhh, heat? as in horny? as in she is sexually frustrated?" - me

"Yes, i mean i was supposed to get her spaded but i haven't had a chance to get around to it." - S

"Well what do you do when she is in heat and running a muck?" - me

"Well on you tube, they say that you should put on a rubber glove and press down, with out penetration, on her vagina, until she lets out a deep purr then ... " - S

"excuse me? are you saying you break her off? As in you pump that pussy? haha, no but seriously not to cut you off but, I AM NOT DOING THAT" - me

"O girl, I don't do that either, i just roll up a magazine and pat her butt vigorously until she lets out that deep purr of satisfaction." - S

"I AM NOT DOING THAT EITHER, just so you know. Do you think she could handle that herself?" - me

"Oh she knows she not going to get that personal treatment from anyone else?" - S

"Yea, because i may be a freak but bestiality....nah." - me

We ended the conversation on that note, needless to say his cat has not gotten any action while at my house, NOT ON MY WATCH.

TIME

Tick, tock, goes the clock, unforgiving and unrelenting.....

Time has a funny way of never running out, but being ever too fleeting. Over the last couple of days I have become some what intrigued by question of "how has time changed me?" I don't ask the question in the superficial sense, but rather in the spiritual/mental/ and emotional sense. It is undeniable that time is a constant gardener pruning and weeding out the overgrowth of our lives. I wonder if my garden is overgrown and wild, or neatly kept filled with blooming beauty. I invite you all to ask yourself the same question.

SKY"s the limit!

So as many of you may have guessed, I am slightly obsessed with sky. A while back a did an urban sky tribute and posted quite a few urban sunset photographs. However doing that post only led me to want to chronicle more of the sky's beauty. SO here is its PART 2 -- "the sky's the limit"

1. painted sky - taken at sunset

2. sky bound - taken at sunset

3. whispering angels- taken at sunset

4. magic carpet clouds - taken at sunset

5. glorious morning - taken in before 9 am

bum-mer

HELLO HELLLO HELLO i've missed you all terribly! Needless to say there have been a slew of ridiculous interactions which have occurred during my absence. My most recent run in was with a ruff and rugged classic New York bum. Now i have nothing against bums, frankly i think we could find more classy nomenclature to describe the circumstance of being sans abode but alas my name is not miriam webster.

Regardless my partner and I were standing on the 34th street uptown B/D platform, pumped for the COLD WAR KIDS concert we were about to see, when we see this bum walking down the platform talking to himself. Now if you have ever lived in NYC you know about something called the "train face," the facial expression you put on when you are taking the NYC subway that is a combination of irate, constipated, and a touch of mentally deranged. If you do the "train face" right no one will bother you in fact they may actually be a bit weary of you, in any case my "train face" must have been off due to my excitement for COLD WAR KIDS (yes i am going to capitalize the name of the band every time they come up because they kick ass), and this bum felt he could approach us.

SO he comes over to us, as we are leaning on the pillar a foot and half from the tracks and leans into my partner. He says, in a raspy deep voice, "YOU GOT 50 cent?" My partner responds "no, sorrry." Attempting to avoid what I know is coming I dig in my pocket and luckily find 25 cents. I reach out my hand and say, "here you go sir." DONT YOU KNOW THIS FOOL turns to me and says, "Nice thats from you, now what about you?" as he turns back to my partner. Getting slightly peeved, she replies "sorry i don't have change, i'm notorious for it." What a choice of words, the bum even more intrigued says "NOTORIOUS huh.... i'm going to have to FRISK you to make sure you don't have any change." Clearly, all five foot 2 inches of me was not going to let this dude, a bum (no offense), touch my 5 foot 8 inch sexy chocolate bunny of partner, so i interrupt him - "SIR,..." but before i could get out another word this bum swings his head back around to me, glaring from behind his platt dreads, "No need to get all tough now....!"

Just as i thought things were going to go horribly wrong, he looks down throws his head back, platted dreads and all and whips out this 4 foot long incense sticks, thrusting the package of sticks at me he says, "take an incense!" Attempting to kindly decline, i reply "no thank you sir." But this pushy crazy bum wouldn't take no for an answer! He again thrust the bag in my direction and says "take a incense stick! before you take a shit make sure its lit!" Well i couldn't argue with that, so I took one and he went on along his way.