bum-mer

HELLO HELLLO HELLO i've missed you all terribly! Needless to say there have been a slew of ridiculous interactions which have occurred during my absence. My most recent run in was with a ruff and rugged classic New York bum. Now i have nothing against bums, frankly i think we could find more classy nomenclature to describe the circumstance of being sans abode but alas my name is not miriam webster.

Regardless my partner and I were standing on the 34th street uptown B/D platform, pumped for the COLD WAR KIDS concert we were about to see, when we see this bum walking down the platform talking to himself. Now if you have ever lived in NYC you know about something called the "train face," the facial expression you put on when you are taking the NYC subway that is a combination of irate, constipated, and a touch of mentally deranged. If you do the "train face" right no one will bother you in fact they may actually be a bit weary of you, in any case my "train face" must have been off due to my excitement for COLD WAR KIDS (yes i am going to capitalize the name of the band every time they come up because they kick ass), and this bum felt he could approach us.

SO he comes over to us, as we are leaning on the pillar a foot and half from the tracks and leans into my partner. He says, in a raspy deep voice, "YOU GOT 50 cent?" My partner responds "no, sorrry." Attempting to avoid what I know is coming I dig in my pocket and luckily find 25 cents. I reach out my hand and say, "here you go sir." DONT YOU KNOW THIS FOOL turns to me and says, "Nice thats from you, now what about you?" as he turns back to my partner. Getting slightly peeved, she replies "sorry i don't have change, i'm notorious for it." What a choice of words, the bum even more intrigued says "NOTORIOUS huh.... i'm going to have to FRISK you to make sure you don't have any change." Clearly, all five foot 2 inches of me was not going to let this dude, a bum (no offense), touch my 5 foot 8 inch sexy chocolate bunny of partner, so i interrupt him - "SIR,..." but before i could get out another word this bum swings his head back around to me, glaring from behind his platt dreads, "No need to get all tough now....!"

Just as i thought things were going to go horribly wrong, he looks down throws his head back, platted dreads and all and whips out this 4 foot long incense sticks, thrusting the package of sticks at me he says, "take an incense!" Attempting to kindly decline, i reply "no thank you sir." But this pushy crazy bum wouldn't take no for an answer! He again thrust the bag in my direction and says "take a incense stick! before you take a shit make sure its lit!" Well i couldn't argue with that, so I took one and he went on along his way.